damracamat

Next week I won't be able to go to riding, mom says she couldn't take me. I will go with Ece. Well what I wanted to say is I hope my mom is ok with it too because they'll be staying late.
Ece and Melis are 2 girls who I met in Horse Village. I was new and didn't have any friends. They were always so good to me and I can't believe that I have them as my friends and even now I can them my best friends. It feels so good to have someone to depend on ♥

We jumped in the open arena and now I'm not scared anymore :) Today I didn't wear spurs and I didn't have a crop so I jumped her without any help and still she was pretty fine. I kind of held her back today because I didn't want her to bolt away with me again while jumping. She wouldn't do that I know but still it was our first jumping course after the accident so I wanted to go slow and be sure of everything.

She's probably the strongest horse in our ranch. Jessica is always so cute and loving but when I take her out so she could have some grass she drags me away. Once she stepped on my foot and I couldn't walk for 3 days haha. She's kind of umm...heavy!

Well this trot just drools!!! Isn't it lovely? Actually she isn't really good in dressage because she was created as a jumper but still she has this large wonderful gait :) I went to ride Jessica so early today so I was veeery sleepy at first. In winter yes I have to wake up at 5.30am to go to school but in summer...I'm not a morning person at all, I show up half brain-dead.

..is a nice movie but hasn't got a happy ending :( It's kinda boring but a must-see-movie anyway :)

Watched the movie last night and it was awesome, so funny. Actually I had to wait a lot for the movie to load but it was worth it.

Emma Roberts is one of my favorite actresses but I think she looks better with dark hair that is obvious!!!

First of all I should say that it was really terrifying. I don't know where to start...hmm from the beginning! I was riding in the open arena and without the stirrups (because my trainer told me so, when you work without the stirrups your legs get all stronger and it is useful,you also have a really nice seat in dressage,good stamina in showjumping). I was cantering in a little circle but my trainer told me to make the circle bigger. I was afraid because Jess was faster than usual so I was turning her into a little circle to not to lose control. Anyway I did a big circle and because I didn't have stirrups I was squeezing my legs a lot. In my old riding club I did a lot of practice but it was in a closed arena and I did that on a pony not a horse who is 170cm. I had spurs so when I squeezed my legs Jessica went totally out of control but I was doing that to not to fall. I was terrified and for the first time in my life I screamed on a horse. My brain froze because I remember how my friend Jessica died. I tried so hard but I couldn't stop thinking of that moment and how it had hapenned. I pulled the reins with all my power but I couldn't make Jess stop so I decided to ride her straight into the fence to make her stop. My trainer screamed at me because with that speed Jess was going to jump over the big fence. I knew it but I couldn't move my legs, I was that scared..I couldn't even find the stirrups. When I heard my trainers voice I jumped off and Jess hit the fence,she didn't jump it because I kinda fell in front of her so she had to slow down. Jess is all fine but she was scared and I was shocked. After the accident we went to the inside arena and I cantered her there and we jumped.She was still pretty good at jumping and I don't know why but I really relaxed while jumping. So it is all fine now. It wasn't Jess's fault. I blame both of us. I don't have a serious injury. Just some scratches and a liiiittle bit of pain on my back. Fortunately I had my body protector! I captured the picture from the video but the fall wasn't filmed. You just hear everyone screaming or getting panicked, freaking out. The thing is I didn't jump off that quick,Jess ran whole the open arena a coupe of times and continued to get faster and faster.
I am still scared riding and jumping in the open arena but I hope I get over it.

I haven't watched this but I will I guess with some friends. Looks spooky haha :D but after the trainings it goes well with some candy and bunch of girls screaming!

Hero has another version and both of them are great! I loved the movie but it was similiar to High School Musical..a bit maybe. My sister insisted that we watch it and you are never too old for a Disney movie ;)

Yes I do think of why I held on and fighted for so long. What will happen when I get my license? Will I be able to compete or buy a horse or go to the ranch more? Non of these will happen. Somtimes I say to myself to give up all of this and just ride, have the time of your life. And then I say "Yeah watch the others win and sit there like a loser." I won't give up of course. I am holding on because of a very special reason. And I also love horses and riding so so so much!

I don't know why I feel so depressed today. I have been getting everything wrong ,having a negative point of view. I looked at myself in the mirror and wanted to cry because I looked just so fat. I'm obsessed with it I know. Besides tomorrow there's school and it will be the last day that we'll eat sitting on the stairs with Aylin because of that I should be happy but I don't feel like being all "Yuppiii yaaay wuhuuu!". We'll learn the exam results and that why I'm so worried. If I fail I will have to take those exams (x2 harder) again and will have to study all summer. I really don't want that to happen.
Another thing is that there will be a competition in our ranch maybe next week or the week after, the date is not set yet. A friend of mine will compete with Jessica too. That is my trainer's decision , I can't tell anything to him but I find it wrong and unfair. I'm really pissed off about it. I will ride her in 60cm class and my friend will ride her in 90cm class. Why? Because she can go to the ranch 7 days of the week. I can't. My family will never support me like that. Every good rider goes to the trainings more than me. Sometimes I sit down and think maybe I don't belong there. I will never be able to be that good like them. They are all so experienced and they have horses and they can train more than me. I like when my friends are succesfull but I hate it when someone blocks my way to become succesfull. Especially when someone who I call a friend  does it, it becomes more annoying than ever. This is probably I won't go to that competition. I will talk to my trainer, if he doesn't allow me to ride in 90cm or 80cm jumping class, I won't compete at all because it is always me the loser always me who has to tollerate someone. I want to be succesfull too and for that I have to fight but I'm the exact definition of pathetic right now that I won't bother to get in the way of that friend who will ride Jessica.
Jessica's owner is an American lady and we will trade Mercedes with Jessica and of course have some money too because Jess is 14years old, Mercedes is 4. A lot younger! I saw my trainer riding him and he looks all so fine at the moment. He has been lame but now he has totally healed. Because of the sun he has red shades on his tail,had a haircut looking fantastic! He still is an angry agressive horse. If the lady decides to keep Jess ,Mercedes will stay with us and then I will ride Mercedes. I love Jessica and Mercedes but Mercedes is a lot harder to ride. So young and energetic which may be useful for me in cross country riding.
We'll wait and see but it will be hard for me to work with Mercedes. I will show a lot of progress of course. If Jessica stays probably my friend will go ride her all the time and I won't be able to. I don't want Mercedes to leave but I also want Jessica. She is such a loving horse and a pro in jumping.

Came back from our garden. Now we have plenty of delicious cherries hahah. While collecting them I sang mom a Lady Gaga song. Actually it wasn't a lady gaga song. I was telling her about the process,about how she finds those weird lyrics. To write a lady gaga song you should:
1)Start the day out with a fruit smoothie because the sun takes it energy and injects it into the fruit. And when you eat it, it explodes inside your body....
2)If you are feeling like writing a song you should find a beat that would even make Jesus crist himself want to dance
3) Think of things that make no sense and use the word "love" a lot..
here's an example:
Why don't you love me and do my laundry, I'll eat some cookies and you'll drink some tea
impressive isn't it ?

I had a wonderful time in the ranch with Jessica today. I rode her in the open arena and she was so fast. We did some jumping and she was awesome. I don't know the words to explain how good she was. She is a very honest and a fast jumper. Seems like I have to go to fitness and have some muscles on the arms to stop her hahah. I am serious! She drags me away after the jumps. Of course I can stop her but still I have difficulties. I will compete with her in couple of weeks. There will be a competition in our club. The thing is another girl also ants to ride Jessica. It is my trainer who decides. I won't talk about this but I am really just so pissed off.. let's forget about it, doesn't worth it.
I washed Jessica after the lesson and she looked just so happy :) I love the way she holds her ears. She is always so happy and satisfied. I hope she stays and never leaves. I feel so confident and safe while jumping with her. I really trust her :)

My exams are all over and I feel so great but still I'm a bit worried about the results. I passed Bio though it was a super hard exam! Today we had physics and it was hard too but went nice :) Best physics exam of this school year hahah.
Tomorrow I wil go and ride my Jessica! Gosh I missed her so much,guessing we will do some jumping tomorrow. I will try to take pictures and videos so I can make a proper Jess video =) Still have to do her a little identity card for her box. Planning something cute for it :)

Had a pretty tough day and I want this week to finish, pass my class without any failing lessons. I just can't take it anymore and I'm so stressed+bored. It's like I can start crying if someone touches me.
I have to go and study French now..

omg

Yesterday the house was full of pilots and yeap it was pretty cool haha :) Meriç also came and gosh I've missed him so much (I've known him for 10 years, one of my oldest friends..or my oldest friend we can say). Laughed so much and had the hiccups =D The thing is I couldn't study  a bit...Today I went to Taksim to study bio and physics with a friend. I'm actually pretty good in physics but not so good in biologie. Now I have the notes of a friend who's good at it so I'll study. Tomorrow we have bio exam and French grammar.Euhh that sucks.


By the way I have to get a proper riding pants for the license exam Dressage level B and show jumping. There are still sooooo many papers that I have to fill and so many things to do about the license thing. Pff sounds fascinating right ? -.-

I have been talking with a friend from facebook since 40minutes and yes this is my record for this week haha =D In 10 minutes I will go and study Biologie and maybe a little literature and French. Then I will call my maths teacher and tell that the exam was good aaand I will phone my trainer for tomorrow's training!

this is a hungry Damra...very hungry indeed

Phhheeeww! Had my maths exam today and although everyone says that it was hard, it worked out pretty good for me. It was about trigonometrie. Wasn't easy, wasn't hard but I find it fun :) I got %67 from Chemistry and I don't think that it is a bad grade, actually it is very good in our school but still I think it should have been better. Maybe at least a %70 ? Maybe next time...or next year hahah =D

Had Chemistry and Religion exam today. Chemistry exam was pretty good but still there are some answers that I'm not sure. Tomorrow there's Turkish grammar and Geography. I should go and study so for now I won't be posting that long ;)

Last night at 9.00pm I played volleyball with my syster in the garden hahaha, we're weird to play volley at that hour but it was fun anyway.

Rode a horse named Burak ( the one who looked like Maverick and I've cried when I saw him because I tought it was Mave..) His owner has been so tough with him and he had a little bruise on his shoulder but he's all fine now. Riding him was absolutely wonderful!! I cantered with him without the reins ( video will come soon) and he is such and honest horse! Has a lovely gait and I'll start jumping with him next week if I ride him. I hope I do ride him :) I'll talk with my trainer :) but he's for sale and probably our club will buy him.

The weather has been nice lately so I will call my trainer today and ask if we can go to cross country tomorrow. I hope we go, it'll be so fun and I of course will take my body protector with me heheh.  

It's soo sunny today! I can go out to the garden and lay down on the grass like in the picture and have my hair all yellow in 15 minutes or less ohhh and I will have freckles too. Well I call that the summer edition haha =)
The school just f*cked my brain today but still I feel ok because I really studied hard this week but still I have to continue seeing that our exams are starting on monday.  Seems like I will have a busy weekend.

Terrible day!!! My mother called the federation to ask the license exam and we learned that it was on Sunday 9am in Kemer ( hell is closer than Kemer). We can't take the horses there and it doesn't only stay with that. I entered the dressage novice level last year so they decided to change the procedure this year and they don't count the written exam I passed and the dressage novice level! It is just so frustrating. Now I have to pay all the money and study for those exams. I won't be able to compete (federated competitions) this summer.. I feel so so so bad, it's total crap!