damracamat

First of all I should say that it was really terrifying. I don't know where to start...hmm from the beginning! I was riding in the open arena and without the stirrups (because my trainer told me so, when you work without the stirrups your legs get all stronger and it is useful,you also have a really nice seat in dressage,good stamina in showjumping). I was cantering in a little circle but my trainer told me to make the circle bigger. I was afraid because Jess was faster than usual so I was turning her into a little circle to not to lose control. Anyway I did a big circle and because I didn't have stirrups I was squeezing my legs a lot. In my old riding club I did a lot of practice but it was in a closed arena and I did that on a pony not a horse who is 170cm. I had spurs so when I squeezed my legs Jessica went totally out of control but I was doing that to not to fall. I was terrified and for the first time in my life I screamed on a horse. My brain froze because I remember how my friend Jessica died. I tried so hard but I couldn't stop thinking of that moment and how it had hapenned. I pulled the reins with all my power but I couldn't make Jess stop so I decided to ride her straight into the fence to make her stop. My trainer screamed at me because with that speed Jess was going to jump over the big fence. I knew it but I couldn't move my legs, I was that scared..I couldn't even find the stirrups. When I heard my trainers voice I jumped off and Jess hit the fence,she didn't jump it because I kinda fell in front of her so she had to slow down. Jess is all fine but she was scared and I was shocked. After the accident we went to the inside arena and I cantered her there and we jumped.She was still pretty good at jumping and I don't know why but I really relaxed while jumping. So it is all fine now. It wasn't Jess's fault. I blame both of us. I don't have a serious injury. Just some scratches and a liiiittle bit of pain on my back. Fortunately I had my body protector! I captured the picture from the video but the fall wasn't filmed. You just hear everyone screaming or getting panicked, freaking out. The thing is I didn't jump off that quick,Jess ran whole the open arena a coupe of times and continued to get faster and faster.
I am still scared riding and jumping in the open arena but I hope I get over it.